OPEN WATER

There are decisions to be made I suppose, otherwise people get hurt.

When you say things like "I'm not really looking for a relationship" it's kind of bullshit, right? I mean, why would you go out with someone if you're not looking...absorbing someone else and their mannerisms, their heart, their soul. Wondering if you've completed the appropriate amount of time being single and "experiencing life alone" whatever that means. Surrounded by others, I tend to feel like I have lived much of my life alone...at least until IV landed on the scene.

I am pretty sure that on paper, a simple person seems like a better decision. My mind tells me that if I look for another partner, it should be someone who is kind, loving, simple. Does life have to be about how you would answer questions at the Saturday Supper Table? Seems to have to be for me.

The things that got me in to trouble before? Covetousness. Overlooking my intuition because I wanted someone to make it right, wanted to have the happiness everyone keeps telling me I deserve. But it might not have ever been there in the first place and I knew it in my gut. Every time that I had to bite my tongue, every time that the hot tears of anger that every stubborn girl hates roll down the face, because seriously jackass? You don't throw things at the person you love. Ever.

Numbers exchanged on Sky Bar receipts might happen quite often in this town.

Pearls in oysters, however, do not.

It sits in a little tin on the prayer shelf, waiting for an answer. The candles have long gone out, but the question remains an unfilled underscore.

What do you do when you meet someone who really knocks you over? When everyone tells you that you're not ready, that you should take it slow, that he reminds them of someone in your past and perhaps that might not be a good thing because at this point in the game, who the hell knows what your "judge of character meter" might be skewed to. I heart lying cheating sonsabitches! Check it!

But when you sit on the couch and you feel his brown eyes look straight through you, and poems by Ella Wheeler Cox come to mind and you think "he would have amazing answers at the Saturday Supper Table," maybe that's exactly the comfort you need.